You Just Blew Your Chances
First dates are all about making a good impression, and you think that would stop some men from putting their feet in their mouths, but that’s not always the case! Unfortunately, some guys have a talent for saying things they think are flattering without realizing how terribly they're coming across. Don’t worry—we’re here to help you sidestep your next flub. From questionable observations to remarks that reveal a little too much, here are 20 so-called compliments that are best left out of the conversation.
1. "You're Actually Really Smart"
Ah, that one little word sure does change the tune, doesn’t it? In case it isn’t clear: adding "actually" changes everything. Suddenly, she has to wonder why you expected her to be less intelligent, especially if you've been the only one talking.
2. "You're Nothing Like My Ex"
This should be in your top ten list of things not to say! Even if you're trying to praise your date for being more relaxed or understanding than your old flame, she's not interested in the comparison. Your history can wait until you've established whether there's any chemistry between you.
3. "I Love That You Ordered a Real Meal"
We know that this seems like a good thing to say, especially when your date isn’t afraid to rip into a plate of wings from the get-go. But there's nothing remarkable about someone being hungry. Pointing out that she's willing to eat a full meal also suggests you've been judging other women's food choices.
4. "You're So Much Hotter Than Your Pictures"
You really don’t want to say this on a first date! It doesn’t matter if you only meant that her photos don't capture how lovely she looks in person—you've just insulted her appearance. After all, those images represent how she wants to present herself, and there's a decent chance she likes them. Now she knows you don’t.
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5. "You'd Look Even Better With Your Hair Down"
It doesn’t matter if she's wearing a sleek ponytail or an elegant updo; you've decided that it needs improving. Telling a woman how you'd prefer her hair before you've even finished dinner is also weirdly controlling, especially when she hasn't asked for your opinion. Just keep that stuff to yourself.
6. "I've Been Looking at Your Photos All Week"
There's nothing weird about sleuthing someone's social media before a first date, but announcing that you’ve done so is where you’ll lose her. It gets even worse if you start describing specific outfits she wore several years ago. She'll sit there wondering just how far back you've scrolled.
7. "You're Pretty Funny For a Woman"
This is another one of those comments that will never land well with the average woman. Ladies are perfectly capable of making people laugh, so if she's just told a hilarious story, there's no reason to act surprised that she has a sense of humor. Laughing and telling her she's funny accomplishes everything you were trying to say.
8. "I Bet Guys Always Buy You Drinks"
Maybe you're just trying to say that she's attractive, but you've picked a rather strange way of doing it. Suggesting that men constantly splurge on her can make it sound as though you assume she depends on male attention. Besides, she's probably more interested in whether you're enjoying her company than discussing what strangers might spend on her.
FOTOGRAFÍA EDITORIAL on Unsplash
9. "You Don't Seem Like the Dating App Type"
What exactly is a dating app type, and why should she be flattered that you've decided she doesn't qualify? If you both met through a screen, the observation is also particularly hilarious—you're using the same platform. There's no need to suggest that online dating is somehow beneath her.
10. "I Usually Date Younger Women"
Wow, what a thing to admit. Few comments make a romantic evening worse than finding out that your date considers you an exception to his preferences. Whether she's 35 or 55, she doesn't need an explanation of why you normally pursue someone younger.
11. "You Have the Most Beautiful Neck"
We know this sounds weird, but guys say it more often than you think! Now, there's nothing inherently wrong with admiring a neckline, but repeatedly commenting on it makes an otherwise pleasant dinner pretty unsettling. Most women would probably prefer a compliment instead of watching you ogle her.
12. "You're Easy to Talk To"
This one really depends on the delivery, so you just need to be careful with it! There’s no need to slip this into a good first date; it could potentially suggest that you assumed she was intimidating. Telling her that you're having a wonderful conversation communicates the same appreciation without introducing all those doubts.
13. "You Dress Really Well For Your Age"
Women don't lose their sense of style after reaching a certain age, even if some men think otherwise. Complimenting a 50-year-old woman for her fashionable boots or a beautiful fitted dress shouldn't tip into comments about her age. She knows how many candles she blows out, and she'd prefer that you focus on her taste.
14. "I Love That You Don't Wear Much Makeup"
Unless you've watched her get ready, you likely have no idea how much makeup she's actually wearing. Guys love to think that “natural” means no makeup, and that’s hardly ever the case! That effortless complexion likely involves products you couldn't identify if your life depended on it. Complimenting her is perfectly fine, but assuming she's naturally low-maintenance isn't necessary.
15. "You Must Have Been Popular in High School"
Like it or not, this is just a weird thing to say! There’s no need to speculate about her teenage social status. Sure, she may appreciate your interest in her life, but suggesting she peaked at 17 isn't romantic.
16. "You're Really Good at Keeping Up With Me"
A woman shouldn't have to jump through hoops to “prove” that she's worthy. If she's discussing economics, quoting classic films, or even just challenging your opinions, treating her opinions as some sort of performance is just plain condescending. You'd make a stronger impression by engaging with what she's saying rather than evaluating her ability to follow along.
17. "You're the First Normal Woman I've Met in Ages"
This one is a giant red flag—all it does is suggest that you’ve found flaws in every woman before her! Make no mistake: your date might initially appreciate the sentiment, but it won’t take long to realize how harshly you apparently judge women who don't suit your preferences. She could also start wondering what you'll say about her if things don't work out.
18. "I Love That You Haven't Had Any Work Done"
Making assumptions about cosmetic procedures? That’s a no-no. You also have no idea! She might’ve had Botox, fillers, or other treatments, none of which she's obligated to disclose. Besides, suggesting that natural beauty is somehow superior can make her wonder how judgmental you'd be about her future choices.
Rafaella Mendes Diniz on Unsplash
19. "Your Skin Looks So Soft"
You might think you're harmlessly expressing admiration, but this one’s a lot creepier than you think. A woman who's spent the evening politely making conversation doesn't appreciate having a stranger evaluate her skin. Telling her she has a beautiful complexion would accomplish the same thing without making her wonder if you’ll overstep her boundaries.
20. "I Can't Believe You're Still Single"
This line is delivered so often that men just assume it’s a slam dunk comment. But it isn’t! She might have recently ended a relationship, spent several years focusing on her career, or simply not met anyone she wanted to date. Rather than expressing disbelief about her relationship status, tell her you've enjoyed meeting her and would love to see her again.
