Your Wife Doesn't Like You in Jorts
Men tend to stick to their fashion sense and style even as fashion changes, and despite constant pleading from their wives. If it were up to their wives, men would get rid of their old oversized hoodies and running shoes with holes in them. Here are 20 items your wife wants you to stop wearing immediately.
1. Cargo Shorts from College
Cargo shorts were once a practical item, but grown men don't need to carry so much cargo. The bulging side pockets make your wife wince, and make it look like you're going camping and not to brunch. Retire your cargo shorts sooner rather than later.
2. Faded Graphic Tees
We get it, you went to a concert ten years ago. Let it go. If you have a graphic tee that's stretched and faded to the point where the graphic is unrecognizable, then toss it in the garbage. The memory of your experience can still live in your heart.
3. Square-Toed Dress Shoe
These shoes are so 2005. They were once fashionable, but that was around the same time as frosted tips. Your wife cringes every time you put them on for a date night. Please upgrade to a nice pair of oxfords or loafers.
4. Jorts
Jorts aren't just jean shorts; they're a cry for help. It's even worse for your wife if they are frayed or if you wear them with white sneakers and ankle socks. Jorts belong in the summer of 1999, so leave them there.
5. Oversized Hoodie from High School
This piece of attire is cozy and nostalgic, but it made more sense when you were a rebellious teen. You've changed, and your wardrobe should as well. Your wife is probably okay with you keeping it, as long as you don't wear it out for dinner.
6. Running Shoes with Holes
Your wife deals with a lot, but running shoes with holes in them might be her breaking point. If your shoe heyday was a decade ago, then rush out and buy a new pair. They literally ruin every outfit.
7. Novelty Ties
Stop wearing ties with cartoon characters, Christmas decor, or piano keys. It's not cute anymore, and even if your wife finds you funny, she doesn't need to fake laugh at your tie collection any longer.
8. Ill-Fitting Jeans
Your wife might lead a fashion intervention if you keep wearing jeans that are too loose, too long, or too tight. You need a properly-fitted pair of jeans, and not the same baggy ones you wore in your youth.
9. Free Company Polo
Your wife doesn't want to date the company man you are at work. Those logo-branded polos don't belong in your regular clothing rotation. Trade them in for a fitted polo or casual button-up.
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10. Statement Hats
Unless you're a jazz musician, you don't need to own a fedora. Even if your wife is a big fan of hats, she doesn't want you wearing a statement hat. It conveys midlife crisis, so stick to a nice, clean baseball cap.
11. Puka Shell Necklaces
Put that puka shell necklace back in the box next to your burned CDs. You aren't a beach partygoer any longer, so stop looking the part. Channel your coastal energy into nice linen shirts.
12. Socks with Sandals
Just because something is comfortable and practical doesn't make it right. This is fine for taking out the trash, but it is not a pairing you can wear to a social gathering.
13. Leather Bracelet
If you bought a leather bracelet while on vacation, it might still reek of regret and sunscreen. Your wife has tolerated it for too long, hoping you'd wise up. If you haven't, then now is the time.
14. Baggy Cargo Pants
There's the truth: baggy cargo pants never looked good and weren't that practical unless you were smuggling something across a border. They're heavy, outdated, and have no shape. Maybe your wife would like to see the shape of your legs every now and then.
15. Graphic Tees with Funny Sayings
Maybe your graphic tee makes your buddies laugh, but your wife dies a little inside every time you leave the house wearing it. Sarcastic tees don't belong in the wardrobe of a grown man.
16. Oversized Belt Buckle
Unless you ride bulls for a living, a giant belt buckle is a ridiculous thing to wear. Your wife wants you to subtly accessorize, not make people stare at the reflective chrome on your waist.
17. The Deep V-Neck
A V-neck can express confidence, but one that's too deep is just exposing you. The deep V belongs at the club in 2006. Trust us, your wife isn't jealous of your neckline. She's just confused by your fashion choice and wondering how deep the V actually goes. Do yourself and her a favor and ditch the deep V-neck for a more subtle look.
18. Old Plaid Shirt
Plaid is timeless, but you shouldn't be wearing one that's faded and more than a decade old. Your wife might love to see you wearing lumberjack chic, but you need to upgrade your flannel game to something crisp, modern, and fitted.
19. Chain Wallet
Chain wallets were practical, but they only made sense when you were attending the Warper Tour back in the day. You don't need to prove to your wife that you still harbor an inner rebel.
20. Gas Station Sunglasses
Get rid of your $7 sunglasses that were an impulse purchase at the gas station. They aren't doing you any favors, and your wife desperately wants you to have a quality pair that fits your face.
