Loving Him Without Redesigning Him
Everyone has preferences when it comes to physical attraction, but there's a difference between appreciating someone's appearance and expecting them to change it for you. Men aren't immune to feeling self-conscious about their looks, especially when criticism comes from someone whose opinion matters to them. Men also aren’t immune to hearing cruel comments, and what makes it especially difficult for them is that some women think it’s okay to comment on certain aspects of their looks—thanks to the double standards. Before you think of saying anything, here are 20 things you should think twice about asking men to change.
1. His Receding Hairline
Hair loss is something many men experience, and it's rarely something they can control through simple grooming changes. It’s also something that hits most men like a wrecking ball, so suggesting expensive treatments will only make him feel uncomfortable about an already sensitive subject. If he's happy with his hairline, there's no reason to make it your concern.
2. His Height
Women are often criticized most for their weight—for men, it’s their height. There's nothing embarrassing about being shorter than his partner or other men. Even if he is, there’s nothing he can do about it, either! Whether he's five-foot-six or six-foot-two, he shouldn't feel obligated to disguise something he can't change.
3. His Natural Nose Shape
Some men have prominent noses. Others have smaller features. A few might even carry a noticeable bump along the bridge. Whatever the case, it’s all part of who he is, and even jokingly suggesting surgery is a hit below the belt.
4. His Gray Hair
A few silver strands around the temples can become a full head of gray hair as men get older. Though men are allowed to age gracefully in ways society doesn’t always permit women, greying still affects men! That’s why saying anything about it can be dicey; you’re better off leaving it be.
5. His Facial Hair
It doesn’t matter if your partner loves his thick mustache or his goatee—that’s his preference. You can certainly express yours, too, but demanding that he shave something he's deliberately grown can make his choices feel unnecessarily restricted. After all, imagine if the tables were turned.
6. His Body Hair
Chest hair, hairy legs, and thick forearms are perfectly ordinary things that don't require wax strips. Asking a man to remove all the fuzz just because you like smoother skin can make him uncomfortable. It also puts him in the hot seat of wondering whether you find his hair unappealing.
7. His Baldness
If you thought thinning hair was a touchy subject, full-blown baldness kicks it up a notch. Hair is important to everyone, especially men, and losing it for one reason or another is nothing to poke fun at. Encouraging him to wear hats everywhere or look into transplants also undermines any confidence he's already developed.
8. His Weight
Remember what we said about women and their weight? Well, men can get some pretty ugly comments about their softening stomachs, too. It’s one thing to worry about someone’s health, but repeatedly telling your partner to change his physique isn't supportive. Aesthetic preferences shouldn't become demands about his body.
9. His Tattoos
Maybe your partner has a large tribal tattoo from his twenties or a colorful design that doesn't match your taste. The reality is, you’ll need to learn to live with it! Removal can be expensive, uncomfortable, and time-consuming, making it a significant request rather than a simple adjustment.
10. His Personal Style
A man who loves vintage band shirts or faded denim won’t appreciate being pushed into designer polos. Dressing appropriately for certain occasions matters, but his everyday wardrobe should still reflect his personality. You can introduce him to different styles without treating everything he already owns as a mistake.
11. His Teeth
Not everyone has perfectly straight, white teeth. That’s okay! Actually, it’s better than okay—it’s character! There’s no reason to suggest veneers or unnecessary orthodontic treatment. As long as his health is fine, all those suggestions do is make him feel bad.
12. His Muscle Size
Some men enjoy bodybuilding, while others would rather spend their free time hiking. Whatever the case, bodies come in all shapes and sizes, so constantly asking your partner to develop bigger arms or broader shoulders puts pressure on him. Exercise should support his own well-being, not become an assignment designed around your ideal body type.
Barnabas Lartey-Odoi Tetteh on Unsplash
13. His Eyebrows
Men don’t care about eyebrows as much as women do, but that doesn’t mean they can’t see their thick hairs or an uneven arch. Even if they might not fit every grooming trend, asking a man to start waxing can make him feel unnecessarily scrutinized. He probably wouldn’t even have noticed had you not said anything!
14. His Scars
Scars are personal, and they can pop up for any number of reasons. Even if you think you’re being helpful, repeatedly recommending laser treatments isn’t as kind as it seems. If anything, those comments can draw uncomfortable attention to something he may have already accepted or doesn’t want to talk about.
15. His Glasses
Contact lenses aren't suitable for everyone, and some men really do prefer traditional specs. Pressuring him to abandon his favorite frames because you think he'd look better without them overlooks both comfort and preference. It also makes him worry that you never liked them to begin with, and comments like that linger.
16. His Skin Tone
Some men are very fair, and though they might accept the odd joke about vampirism, encouraging him to tan pushes things too far. His natural complexion doesn't need correcting, and avoiding harmful UV exposure is a smart decision.
17. His Ear Shape
Prominent ears are a perfectly normal characteristic, although they sometimes attract unwanted comments. At the end of the day, you get what you get with ears, and mentioning them will likely spark old wounds. There's no need to present them as something that needs to be “fixed.”
18. His Favorite Hairstyle
A man might have worn his hair in a side part or shoulder-length style for years. Why ask him to change? Forget about insisting that he copy a celebrity's haircut—expecting him to change his whole look simply to satisfy your tastes won’t go over well.
LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR on Unsplash
19. His Wrinkles
Crow's-feet, forehead wrinkles, and lines around the mouth are natural changes that come with age. You wouldn’t like it if he mentioned yours, so don’t mention his! Growing older shouldn't become an appearance problem he has to solve.
20. His Piercings
Maybe your partner has worn a small hoop earring since college or enjoys a bold eyebrow stud. Although it doesn’t match your aesthetic, asking that he remove it dismisses his self-expression. A healthy relationship leaves room for different tastes, including the odd accessory you wouldn't choose for yourself.
